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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/22719370">to the last son</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/nap_princess/pseuds/nap_princess'>nap_princess</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Frozen (Disney Movies)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>AU, Angst, Bad Ending, F/M, For once Hans is not a bastard, Frozen-verse, Helsa Valentine's Day Swap, Helsa Valentine's Day Swap 2020, I only have 4 Frozen-verse works but they will be the death of me I swear, I wish the ending was like Tarzan and Jane, In which Hans just friendzones himself, Kudos to those who write Frozen-verse often, This could also be read as Time Period AU since I based this on Pride and Prejudice, Writing Frozen-verse really isn't my strong point, Ye old 1800 English, dead dove do not eat, he is baby, time period au</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-02-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-02-14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-04-28 15:40:30</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>11,257</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/22719370</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/nap_princess/pseuds/nap_princess</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              
<p></p><div class="center">
  <p>She writes him letters / He tells her stories</p>
  <p>
— HansElsa, Frozen-verse AU-ish</p>
  <p>
<b>(Helsa Valentine's Day Swap 2020)</b></p>
</div>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Anna &amp; Elsa (Disney), Anna/Hans (Disney), Elsa/Hans (Disney), Elsa/Lars (Disney), Hans &amp; Hans's Brothers (Disney), Hans &amp; Lars (Disney), Mentions of Anna/Kristoff (Disney)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>4</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>21</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>to the last son</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">


        <li>
            Inspired by

            <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/559090">From Eden</a> by Hozier.
        </li>
        <li>
            Inspired by

            <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/559093">Pride and Prejudice</a> by Jane Austen.
        </li>
        <li>
            Inspired by

            <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/559096">Rest in FUCKING PIECES, Mr. Darcy</a> by YouTube.
        </li>
        <li>
            Inspired by

            <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/external_works/559099">(suspenseful music) ... RUN!</a> by YouTube.
        </li>

    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Notes 1: For <b>struttingstreets</b>. I tried including what you wanted: angst, self-denying and repressed Helsa slowly letting go of their inhibitions (which involves gloves and what they represent), Happy Valentine's Day :)</p>
<p>
  
</p>
<p>Notes 2: Thank you <b>Ravine Wreyn</b>, <b>FOW</b>, <b>Liho</b>, <b>Lulu</b>, <b>Kije</b>, <b>Artemis (1)</b> and, last but not least, <b>Artemis (2)</b> for suggesting ideas and beta-ing this fic :)</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <strong> <span class="u">to the last son</span> </strong>
</p>
<hr/>
<p>
  
</p>
<hr/>
<p>Honey, you're familiar like my mirror years ago,<br/>I slithered here from Eden just to sit outside your door</p>
<p>— <strong>Hozier</strong>, <em>Eden</em></p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <strong>i</strong>
</p>
<hr/>
<p>The news is broken to her a few days after her eighteenth birthday; of her <em>engagement</em> to a much older man — third in line to the crown; Prince Lars Westergaard of the Southern Isles.</p>
<p>Elsa does not complain — <em>cannot </em>complain — because being the crown princess of Arendelle means <em>duty</em>, a <em>responsibility</em> and <em>an obligation</em> to keep the peace of her realm; a kingdom founded by her late grandfather, King Runeard.</p>
<p>Arendelle is small as it is, three-generations old and surrounded by the open sea; a good location for trading, but vulnerable to outsiders who wish to <em>invade</em> and<em> take</em> and <em>force their way in</em>. Just ask the pleasant baker or the busy florist and they will tell you the same thing: as peaceful as Arendelle is, the kingdom does not have very good defences.</p>
<p>Even at a young age, Elsa knew that it would be <em>so easy</em> for the castle to be surrounded by unsuspecting enemies and an intruding fleet. An alliance with the Southern Isles supplies a strong navy — they will be the mouth that answers Arendelle's cry, the firm hand to extend help, a friend to fight side-by-side with.</p>
<p>The engagement is beneficial in terms of politics and coalition, Elsa tells herself this much. Everything about the arranged marriage is absolute.</p>
<p>Her betrothal may also help combat another issue that Elsa personally struggles with: her loneliness. Elsa thinks, <em>Surely, some company will be welcoming. Even if it’s the company of a stranger. </em>Isolation can make a girl terribly lonely. Especially if such a habit has been in practice since age eight — Elsa's situation reminds her of all the fairy tale stories her Mama used to tell her; of princesses trapped in towers and princes breaking curses.</p>
<p>But, Elsa thinks, maybe her heart wouldn’t need all this soothing if she had never been separated from the outside world, her people and her sister who she holds most dear to her.</p>
<hr/>
<p>She writes him letters.</p>
<p>It's surprising to Elsa how quickly she and Lars managed to find many common grounds. She <em>might</em> love the idea of him; he's mature, he's intellectual, he knows so much about history and books.</p>
<p>Lars is good-looking too, judging by the royal family portrait sent to her — standing third to the right; with blonde hair and blue-grey eyes hidden behind unique looking glasses. Elsa finds most of the Westergaard princes to be handsome. The only two individuals who stand out among the sea of blonde hair are the Queen of the Southern Isles and a young man who seems to be one of the younger brothers.</p>
<p>Although Elsa never did care much for handsome men, she has always valued the heart and the kindness of one's soul and a bright mind — if Lars could prove to her that he is compatible, then, in theory, Lars <em>could be </em>Elsa’s <em>ideal</em> man.</p>
<p>Lars writes her pages and pages of historical facts and recountings. Originally, Elsa finds Lars' letters a favourable way to obtain knowledge beyond her tutors and studies, Lars sharing his knowings of the geography and the culture of allied lands is always interesting and engaging.</p>
<p>But after a while, even Elsa can't help but feel <em>bored</em>. Sometimes, she dreads receiving Lars' letters; it would be ten pages about France, Germany and Spain, then two pages about his day and one page asking her how she's been and replying to small tidbits of her activities in her isolated room.</p>
<p>There are, however, saving graces. It's like she said, they have <em>many</em> common grounds. And one of these grounds is their most cherished topic to write about: their favourite sibling. Of course, Elsa only has one sister, Anna, but Lars has twelve brothers so there must be some consideration on his part.</p>
<p>And Lars' favourite sibling is Hans, or 'Hansel' as he would like to joke — <em>little Hans</em>, the youngest of the Southern Isles princes, the baby of the large royal family.</p>
<p><strong>I think you will be able to tell Hansel apart from my other twelve brothers when I describe him to you. Poor Hansel, he <em>is</em> the brother who sticks out like a sore thumb in the Westergaard family portrait. </strong>Lars writes when Elsa had gotten curious and asked what Hans looked like. <strong>He is the only one who has inherited Mother's flaming red hair and Father's green eyes, everyone else is mostly blonde and blue-eyed.</strong></p>
<p>Elsa pauses, remembering that she did, in fact, notice Hans among the others. He may just be the black sheep of the family, just as Elsa is with how she looks; her platinum blonde hair is very different from her Mama and Papa's hair.</p>
<p><strong>Hansel has bought me the most peculiar souvenir during one of his trips. </strong>Lars’s letter reads. <strong>Hansel has always showered me with odd gifts and trinkets, but I believe this one has to be the oddest of them all!</strong></p>
<p>Elsa smiles at the parchment, Lars has already listed some of these presents to her. To name a few — silks and spices; odd statues and quaint figurines; strange foreign games and even stranger books; ‘magic items’ such as puzzle boxes, lamps and amulets; pressed flowers and preserved insects — the little things Hans believed Lars would enjoy, which he did.</p>
<p>And this input of Hans’ character makes Elsa feel curious about Lars’s current souvenir as she reads on.</p>
<p>
  <strong>I don’t know where Hansel gets his sense of humour from; I think neither Mother, Father nor any of our brothers share a similar taste. However, I believe that’s what I love most about Hansel, he can find amusement in the most peculiar things. Are you ready to hear what he gave me?</strong>
</p>
<p>Thumbing the ink, she bites her lower lip out of anticipation, though she knows it’s silly. Silly that she’s so invested in someone she doesn’t know and will probably never meet.</p>
<p><strong>A sock puppet with a non-functioning mouth. </strong>Lar’s letter reads.</p>
<p><em>Like the ones used for children's shows?</em> Elsa thinks to herself. She considers the idea but she doesn’t mull over the thought for long as she continues reading.</p>
<p>
  <strong>I suppose it could also function as a mitten, but for only one hand, and that fact does not make it a very handsome fellow for companionship.</strong>
</p>
<p>And underneath Lars' fine handwriting is an ugly scribble of Hans' gift.</p>
<p>And soon, Elsa finds herself grinning, and then laughing so hard that she snorts and has to cover her giggles behind her gloved hands.</p>
<p>It takes Elsa a while to collect herself, and when she stops gasping for breath, she realises, she hasn’t laughed like that in a long time. And she means — <em>a long time.</em></p>
<p><em>Too long,</em> in fact.</p>
<p>Truly, catching glimpses of Hans' humour is a good way to spend an evening.</p>
<hr/>
<p>Lars writes:</p>
<p>
  <strong>I wish I could tell you more about my childhood, but I must admit that it wasn’t very eventful, I spent most of my time inside reading. If anything eventful did happen, it was thanks to Hansel. I will write you a list of the troubles he’s dragged me into and you can choose which you would like to hear, I am most fond of him but I do not want to fill our letters of only Hansel, you might get sick of him. Let’s see, shall I tell you the tale of Hansel learning that he <em>can</em> but <em>should not</em> climb up the castle walls? Or the time Hansel swears up and down that he met someone who claimed to be a witch? </strong>
</p>
<p><em>A witch?</em> Elsa thinks, wondering if it’s true.</p>
<p><strong>Though I believe he has mixed up fantasy from reality, I recall reading 'Hansel and Gretel' to him when he was a boy. </strong>Lars adds.</p>
<p>Hmm, it seems Hans is quite imaginative. But, didn’t Lars tell Elsa another incident where Hans thought he saw a mermaid when travelling to Weselton? Either Hans is more open to the realm of magic or he cannot tell apart a myth from a sea lion.</p>
<p>
  <strong>Or perhaps I should tell you the discovery of how Hansel came to love boats and sailing? He is a prince, but he wishes to make a name for himself as an admiral. He’s rising very quickly in rank. I believe he will achieve such a dream soon.</strong>
</p>
<p>It sounds ridiculous, she knows, but Elsa starts looking forward to hearing more about Hans’ shenanigans. Too soon does she find comfort bleeding into her life and she doesn't know why but — when Lars writes about Hans, it feels like Elsa's getting news about an old friend.</p>
<p>(Or perhaps she is merely amused by Hans’ ridiculous antics and manners?)</p>
<p>After the last letter, she begins wondering about Hans' choice to join the Southern Isles navy, the sea life must be grim and tough. Still, his ambition is admirable. He must be a hard-working young man.</p>
<p><strong>Has Hans gotten up to just as much trouble at sea as he did on land?</strong> Elsa had asked in one of her correspondences.</p>
<p>Lars writes back: <strong>Oh yes, very much! I would tell you Hansel's newest adventures, but I think he tells them best himself! I have asked him to write to you as well, I hope you do not mind. I have a strong feeling that the two of you will be the closest of friends!</strong></p>
<hr/>
<p>Doubt is a common theme in Elsa’s life.</p>
<p>She doubts her tactics in a self-game of chess and she doubts her skill in embroidery, and above all, she doubts her ability to rule her country when the time comes.</p>
<p>So, it isn’t a surprise for her to doubt Prince Hans Westergaard of the Southern Isles to take time out of his life to write her.</p>
<p>Of course, exchanging letters was a suggestion by Hans’ favourite brother, but, still — to say she expected him to go forth with the act is a little too much. Not when he has a busier life than her; with his princely duties and navy work and adventures.</p>
<p>Her over-thinking tells her he will not write back.</p>
<p>But he does. He writes back.</p>
<p>To say that he surprised her is an understatement; though, it isn’t an unwelcome surprise.</p>
<p>And then, <em>just like that,</em> he enters her life.</p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <strong>ii</strong>
</p>
<hr/>
<p>He tells her stories.</p>
<p>But, most importantly, he tells her a life outside her bedroom; with freedom and a sense of wonder she doesn't think she can recreate without witnessing it with her own two eyes.</p>
<p>He tells her of the sea — of the ferocious waves, the odour of salt that follows him even on land, the sails working with the winds, the fruits given as not only a treat but also a prevention to scurvy. He chases the good with the bad; the sharp sting of his hands from the consequence of rope burn, the nausea of seasickness, the delirium of the blazing sun.</p>
<p>He tells her of the new cultures — the sights, the food, the people. How everything is so different with each docking but also so familiar — <strong>Because deep down, we're all human.</strong> He reasons in bold, neat handwriting.</p>
<p>He links the present with the past, explains how these exposures will help him in the long-run, and jokes with her; his humour is enough to either make her laugh aloud or meditate on what sort of inside knowledge she needs to understand his thinking.</p>
<p>Prince Hans describes everything he sees and everything he's experienced in such an amazing way that, <em>sometimes</em>, Elsa swears she can see it — through the ink and the parchment — hear the albatross squawking and the beams of the wooden sails creaking; taste the bitter tang of the God awful beer he drank on a lost bet. All this through his descriptions and colourful words. He knows how to paint a pretty picture.</p>
<p>Hans' life is far from perfect, but — <em>oh</em>, what she wouldn't give to be there with him, outside a closed door.</p>
<hr/>
<p>When replying, Elsa is insecure; insecure that perhaps her questions might be unwelcomed, that maybe Hans is only entertaining her because Lars told him to.</p>
<p>But all that vanishes when Hans reveals himself to be quite the talker.</p>
<p>He rambles, almost similarly to Lars. But the way he drives most of their conversations is done differently, in a more pleasant manner. Elsa finds herself agreeing with most of his philosophical beliefs and his stories take a shift from travel to somewhat personal. He himself admits it, too.</p>
<p><strong>Nobody back home ever asks me the questions you do.</strong> He writes. That single statement makes her feel <em>special.</em></p>
<p>He talks about himself and his feelings and his struggles. It pulls Elsa to reply with a level of epiphany and with just as many pages — though, she cannot bring herself to tell Hans everything. Her ice magic is something she fears will be the trigger to extinguish her friendship with Hans.</p>
<p>Instead, she hides it and mentions fragments, disguising it as the monster her parents concocted. Hans does not respond the way she believes he would when she reveals<em> just enough</em>. His letters are a heart-to-heart that she does not share with Lars. It only makes her want to pour her years of isolation into one single thick letter and send it off to whatever far away land to relieve her burdens.</p>
<p>She doesn’t. But it doesn’t change the fact that whenever she picks up a pen and writes ‘My dearest friend,’ she feels light and free.</p>
<hr/>
<p>Elsa smiles at the latest letter she’s gotten from the thirteenth prince.</p>
<p>Hans relieves a lot of her insecurity with his reassuring words. Elsa would like to believe that she’s changing because of him; not enough to step outside her bedroom for long, but with the hope that she will be able to do so someday with full confidence.</p>
<p>Aside from polite conversations, letters have become her <em>main </em>source of human interaction. Elsa catches herself constantly awaiting Hans’ next letter and gets anxious when she feels his replies are late.</p>
<p>When she gets a knock on her bedroom door, her heart leaps with excitement. But often it is only met with disappointment. Her parents informing her of her princess duties? Disappointment. Members of the castle staff reminding her of meals? Disappointment.</p>
<p>And despite their belonging to each other, with their books and their rooms and their little worlds; not even letters from Lars brightens her day.</p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <strong>iii</strong>
</p>
<hr/>
<p>When her parents had agreed to confine Elsa to her room, Elsa knew well that Anna would not leave her alone. Her ice magic was out of the question in terms of an explanation to the distance.</p>
<p>So her parents came up with a tall tale — an illness. More than a cold. More contagious than mumps. More serious too. It was a sickness that her parents strongly related to heredity and contagiousness among family.</p>
<p><em>"You can’t visit her, Anna. We don't want you catching it."</em> Elsa heard her Papa reason with her baby sister, and her heart breaks, but not as much as Anna's with worry.</p>
<p><em>"Will Elsa be okay?"</em> Anna had replied, her little voice trembling.</p>
<p>
  <em>"Until she controls it, we don't know."</em>
</p>
<p>Elsa finds herself clenching her fists when she recalls the memory. The lie is a good way to keep Anna away, but it also gives Elsa insight, a thought, that maybe her parents truly believe her powers are a sickness that can't be cured.</p>
<p>Anna, at first, sits outside Elsa's door; pleading, singing silly songs and slipping childish drawings under cracks. But afterwards, Anna finds comfort elsewhere — despite firing a large number of staff members that couldn't be trusted, the remainder who stayed offered plenty of alternatives. Anna makes friends with the small pool of children who are family members to the staff; kids from the court, daughters of maids and stableboys. No one was spared from Anna's friendliness.</p>
<p>And though Elsa knows Anna would never leave her sister, Elsa can’t help but feel forgotten. She misses another human's touch more than anything.</p>
<hr/>
<p>At first, Elsa only imagines the stories Hans paints when she is reading his words. But with present thoughts catching up to Elsa, she must admit that she’s been daydreaming. A lot.</p>
<p>Most times, she fantasizes of being able to have such nonsensical adventures <em>with him</em>. She pictures herself standing beside him, talking face to face or celebrating the journey of his life together. She plays pretend, acting like she knows how seaweed feels when walking along shallows shores, how engaging theatre performances are when shown by foreign places, how easy it will be for her to open up without the fear of her powers consuming her.</p>
<p>Is she truly so deprived from the touch of another to feel the need to insert herself in his universe? Or is it something else? Does anyone else feel this way or is it just her? It makes Elsa question whether she even wants to live the life of a crown princess.</p>
<p>But the realisation that strikes her the most is the reality that she wishes <em>to</em> <em>be near him</em>.</p>
<p>.</p>
<p>.</p>
<p>.</p>
<p>And just as her power grows stronger every day, so does her feelings for <em>him.</em></p>
<hr/>
<p>Three months before her twenty-first birthday, Elsa’s life takes a turn.</p>
<p>The sea swallows an Arendellian ship along with the lives of her Mama and Papa; the news is brought with a knock to the door along with Kai addressing her, “Your Majesty,” he says and Elsa immediately knew.</p>
<p>When she opens her door for the first time in what feels like forever, Elsa is greeted with her most trusted staff members bowing and Anna dressed in black.</p>
<hr/>
<p>With the wound of her parents’ death fresh and Elsa sinking deeper into her uncertainty, she turns to Hans to find comfort. She almost begs him to distract her — write her pretty words, tell her more stories, anything to divert her attention from the ice surrounding her; freezing her floor and her walls and her ceiling.</p>
<p><strong>I’m worried about being the new Queen of Arendelle. What if I cannot live up to the expectations as a monarch? I do not believe I will be a fit ruler due to my </strong>— Elsa pauses, her pen poised before she continues writing —<strong> condition. </strong></p>
<p>Then as she stares at this single word, this<em> concealing disguise</em>, this <em>lie </em>of her powers, rage builds in her chest. She can’t even tell one of her fondest acquaintances about her reality.</p>
<p>Elsa knows she should appreciate everything her parents have done for her, but she doesn't know if she truly can. After all the years that have passed, her Mama and Papa only became more and more distant. It almost feels like they were never a big part of her life even though they were.</p>
<p>She has an internal conflict on this matter, her anger almost makes her want to disregard everything she’s promised to her parents. Why shouldn’t she abdicate the throne to her dearest sister? Anna can vouch for her ‘sickness’. Why shouldn’t she just leave Arendelle now? Her Mama and Papa are gone and she should be mourning rather than having thoughts of running away, but then they were also never there for her. Not really. Not like <em>him.</em></p>
<p>Even if Hans has never been<em> physically</em> in Elsa’s presence, he’s done more for her than her own flesh and blood. She told her parents not to leave; asked, <em>“Do you really have to go?”</em> and they still left despite knowing how uncomfortable she was at the departure. <em>They left her.</em></p>
<p><strong>I believe you need a little magic in your life, my dearest friend.</strong> Hans writes back. <strong>Shall I tell you the story of the time I met a witch? Or should I tell you rumours of an enchanted forest? I heard about it on one of my travels; it is said to be on the outskirts of Arendelle, it could be quite a journey. It would be fun to imagine yourself taking the risk, no? Even if you do not meet the Northern tribe said to co-exist with creatures of the forest, you might bump into some trolls.</strong></p>
<p>Elsa laughs through her tears at the idea. She’s tired of crying, but grateful that Hans is able to cheer her up with these thoughts of magic. Elsa feels safe when he speaks of magical beings as wonderful things, it makes her ponder on the anxieties and discrimination put into her head.</p>
<p>Along with Hans letter came a wrapped package, Elsa opens it with trembling hands before reading the contents of his words with teary, red eyes.</p>
<p>
  <strong>I do not know if my words and stories are enough to comfort you, my dear friend, but I hope this gift is able to provide some ease to your heart. I remember reading a fairy tale when I was young, of a magic mirror that showed its user whatever it wishes. </strong>
</p>
<p>She turns the hand-mirror around, admiring its decorations of waves and the insignia of the royal family — ‘W’ for Westergaard.</p>
<p>
  <strong>I could have given you gifts from anywhere around the world, but I choose to give you something from my home instead. This mirror was mine, it has been with me since childhood. I want you to have it, the mirror will be with you in place of me. Gaze into it and pretend I am on the other side of its reflection. As for me, I feel like you are near me already with my familiar mirror in your possession.</strong>
</p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <strong>iv</strong>
</p>
<hr/>
<p>Along with Lars' letters, the third prince sends Elsa up-to-date portraits; of him and of his favourite brother.</p>
<p><strong>My dearest darling, I’m sending you these paintings so that you will recognise Hansel and I during your upcoming coronation. </strong>Lars states.<strong> We both look forward to seeing you.</strong></p>
<p>Elsa feels her heart skip a beat at the reality that she’ll be meeting the brothers in the flesh.</p>
<p>Her hands shake as soon as she finishes reading the final line; eager to see the portraits. She wants to see the family resemblance, recognises distinct traits and affirmations, pin-point each brother apart among a baker’s dozen.</p>
<p>She wants to see <em>him.</em></p>
<p>And when the portrait’s wrappings are by her frosted feet — Elsa finds herself staring. She stares and <em>stares</em> and <strong>stares</strong>.</p>
<p>A part of her thinks that he’s <em>here</em>. He’s really here <em>with her. </em></p>
<p>And then she takes off one of her delicate white gloves and reaches out; tracing her cold finger over a painted face; over emerald eyes and thin lips and fiery sideburns; she doesn’t flinch from the contact, and neither does he.</p>
<hr/>
<p>Her stomach knots and it knots and it knots; her gloved hands twist against each other too, going round and round and round. She’s <em>nervous.</em></p>
<p>Or, perhaps ‘excited’ is a better word for it. Or, maybe, both. Both sounds acceptable right now.</p>
<p>Her crowning had gone so smoothly, Elsa didn’t lose control of her powers, and Anna had shown such sisterly support; a close affection that has only recently been rekindled after the funeral.</p>
<p>The coronation party is in full-swing. Finally, this is Elsa’s chance to cool down; to drink wine and eat chocolate and maybe dance. Not to mention, it’s her chance to talk to her betrothed and (maybe — <em>just as importantly</em>) the thirteenth prince.</p>
<p>Her heart has been beating wildly since this realisation. Elsa can honestly say that she looks forward to dropping her shoulders and laughing as she always does with Hans’ letters. At least, she <em>hopes</em> Hans manages to make her laugh as he usually does. There is still doubt despite his many uplifting statements.</p>
<p>But, for now, what’s best is for her to hold her head high and maintain her regal outlook.</p>
<p>She greets the guests with forced smiles and her gloved hands clasped together tightly. From across the room, Elsa catches Anna laughing with her friends; children of noblemen and the royal council, the people the strawberry blonde grew up with and the people she trusts.</p>
<p>Through the buzzing conversations, crystal flutes clinking, rustling of women’s skirts and breathes of gentlemen's laughter, someone calls out her name.</p>
<p>"Queen Elsa?" The voice says, yanking Elsa’s attention away from her sister.</p>
<p>When Elsa turns, she sees a man smiling, a twinkle of mischief in his emerald green eyes. She doesn't say a word back but she's sure her wide-eyed look tells him <em>everything</em>.</p>
<p>"Prince Hans of the Southern Isles," He bows — deeply, and revealing a crown of red, red hair.</p>
<hr/>
<p>She listens to him with all her heart, consumed and caught by the exhilarating feeling of her chest swelling with joy whenever Hans laughs or smiles at her in a particular way. He recounts the contents of their exchanged letters well, adding pieces he’s accidentally left out and elaborating in greater detail.</p>
<p>However, Elsa is also shy while he talks, mostly listening and nodding her head, barely replying. It’s almost too easy for her to sink into his words. Elsa might have even sighed dreamily; as Anna used to when speaking about true love. Elsa's very much devoured in fantasy, she loses herself for a moment.</p>
<p>"Your Majesty?" Hans asks — with what Elsa thinks is hints of <em>admiration</em> and <em>adoration</em> in his voice.</p>
<p>Elsa blinks, a foot out of a dream. 'Your Majesty'? What happened to 'dearest friend'? They've been correlating for almost three years now, there's no need to be so formal. They're basically family now, and —</p>
<p>"Your Majesty?" Hans repeats, his tone still suggesting strong emotions.</p>
<p><em>Oh wait</em>, he's waiting for her reply.</p>
<p>"Y — Yes?" Elsa replies maybe a beat too late. "Sorry, I was just thinking."</p>
<p>“What about? A penny for your thoughts?”</p>
<p>“Um,” She chews on her bottom lip, blue eyes darting.</p>
<p>Elsa believes Hans is much <em>too charismatic</em> for his own good; leading the conversation and suggesting topics she would never bring up on her own. She starts thinking that Hans resembles too similarly to charming princes her parents used to read to her when she was a girl. She can still faintly remember the wonder in her Papa’s voice, her Mama tucking her into bed and Anna snoring before the fairy tale ends.</p>
<p><em>This </em>must <em>be a farce; an act.</em> Elsa thinks. <em>He can’t be this  </em>—</p>
<p>Elsa only stops to frown when she realises something missing. Or, <em>someone</em>, for the better word. Her supposed 'love of her life' is not present. How did she not notice her fiancé's disappearance?</p>
<p>"Where is Prince Lars?" Elsa finally asks.</p>
<p>Hans’ face morphs in a genuinely surprised look. "Did you not receive his letter?" Hans asks back.</p>
<p><em>Letter?</em> Elsa thinks in distress, her gloved hands wringing.</p>
<p>"O — Oh, I'm — I apologise," She answers. "I've been so busy with the coronation that I must not have read it when it reached my desk."</p>
<p>“Ah,” Hans says, soaking in this piece of news. "There's nothing to apologise for, your duties take precedence over a —” He pauses slightly at the next delivery. “— correspondent.”</p>
<p>Elsa wrings her hands tightly clasped. “I suppose so,” She says almost too softly.</p>
<p>He offers her a small, reassuring smile. “As for Lars, he is down with the flu but he is expected to be in full health within a week."</p>
<p>“Oh, that’s …” She can’t finish her sentence.</p>
<p>It's not Hans' fault for bringing this to her attention sooner, but — Oh, how distracted she’s been! Elsa is still angry at herself for running away with her daydreams.</p>
<p>"It's quite stuffy in here, isn't it?" Hans says suddenly, as if he had picked her brain and read her mind. Did he decide to switch topics of her fiancé to not worry her?</p>
<p>"Are you saying my party is warm, Prince Hans?" She answers, his name rolling off her tongue easily. She is secretly relieved that she is not as awkward with him as she thought she would be. He's very good at saving the day. "I wouldn't want to insinuate that you think my party is boring,"</p>
<p>"I'm just saying; a stroll would be wonderful. The cool night air would be refreshing." He suggests, making a face that she can read well.</p>
<p>Elsa doesn’t know if the idea is horrifying or wonderful. He's being playful. She should have known, he's the baby of the family, he probably gets away with <em>anything</em> and <em>everything</em>.</p>
<p>"I'm the host of my coronation, people will notice my disappearance." Elsa reasons.</p>
<p>A grin spreads on his lips like he knows better, his green eyes flit across the crowded ballroom.</p>
<p>Elsa's eyes follow his, he's too skilled at leading. It lands on a group of dignitaries making fools of themselves — drunk out of their minds and tripping over air.</p>
<p>"You sure about that?" He asks her smoothly, still grinning.</p>
<p>"You're a charming one, did anyone ever tell you that?"</p>
<p>"Oh, you think so?" He raises a brow. "Thank you for the compliment."</p>
<p>The smile he flashes her is too flattering. She almost feels weak against it. “I should stay.” She says, fidgeting her hands once more.</p>
<p>"Such a pity you can't, I was planning on telling you more of my stories. I know how you adore them," Hans says airily, though Elsa knows he's trying to ensnare her.</p>
<p>She glances at him. He’s not being very subtle about wanting to sneak away. Is there something he wants to tell her but can’t in fear of the public eavesdropping?</p>
<p>“Is there something you wish to tell me in … the gardens?” She asks carefully.</p>
<p>“Perhaps,” He hums. He’s acting playful again.</p>
<p>Elsa is set on declining until he lends her his arm. She stares at the invitation, her fingers curling.</p>
<p>If she accepts, it will be the first time she's <em>willingly</em> touched anyone in years. She didn't even give her parents hugs of good-bye or return a teary embrace from Anna at the opening of her bedroom door.</p>
<p>Elsa breathes in deeply, then she reaches out — touching him as she did with his portrait. And just like his painting, he does not flinch.</p>
<p>.</p>
<p>.</p>
<p>.</p>
<p>"It's lovely out here," He says, suddenly tongue-tied.</p>
<p>She looks around; at the blooming wisteria vines above their heads, and the stars and moon.</p>
<p>"Yes …" She answers, just as uncertainly. Then — "I've never been here." <em>Outside.</em></p>
<p>She doesn't know why, but it sounds like a confession and now she's embarrassed that she told him. He can probably tell too, judging by how hot her face feels, Elsa knows she's blushing, as red as his hair.</p>
<p>She expects him to exclaim, 'But it's your castle!' only to find him tilting his head and looking at her deeply.</p>
<p>"Don't look at me like that, I'm not jesting, I'm serious." She defends herself, hoping Hans won't make her situation a joke. She despises her feelings being brushed off, she's had plenty of moments when her Papa told her, <em>"Conceal, don't feel, don't let it show."</em> She <em>wants</em> Hans to know she's true and a little upset.</p>
<p>"No, it's not that. It's just —" He shakes his head. "You're very similar to Lars, staying indoors and never rising. We should take strolls together during my stay here, it'll do you much good." He says it like a promise, patting her gloved hand; the one that's still wrapped around his arm.</p>
<p>She thinks of his offer. Every proposition that comes out of his mouth is very tempting; he knows how to bewitch her. She won’t lie, Hans is the first man to charm her like this, but Elsa tells herself that she shouldn't act like such a love-struck maiden. Elsa can’t help but think that, if she were to agree, then she would be going into this too fast, too soon, and —</p>
<p>What if the reason Hans persuaded her to the gardens is to confess? She doesn't think it's likely — it sounds insane now that she thinks it, she's the one with feelings <em>for him</em>. Look at her! If she keeps insisting on these delusions then she will bring trouble to herself.</p>
<p>She’s already made a fool of herself during their conversation at the party, how many more times must she expose herself for Hans to see her for her flaws? Can she even bring herself to <em>tell </em>him of her flaws? She hasn’t even been able to tell him her most concealed secret: her ice magic.</p>
<p>Her reality is less than amicable, Elsa doesn't know if she's <em>ready</em>.</p>
<p>There’s also the issue that she is betrothed to <em>his brother</em>, it will be messy if she lets her feelings show. She has managed to deny the sneaking suspicions of her heart yearning for him; but after today, after she saw his face, she knows that it isn’t just wishful thinking.</p>
<p>"Your Majesty?" Hans calls, noticing her silence.</p>
<p>Elsa stares at their feet, deep in her shame. Oh, she wished he wasn't holding her hand, her habit of fiddling has always been a comfort.</p>
<p>She’s getting nervous, has Hans noticed the drop in the air? It <em>must</em> be cold. She should keep her distance, if she keeps this up then she will reveal her character.</p>
<p>Her hand slips away from his warmth and clasps together.</p>
<p>"Your Majesty?" He tries again.</p>
<p>"I —" She swallows down her anxiety, not even hiding her hesitation. "I'm sorry, I don't know if I can."</p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <strong>v</strong>
</p>
<hr/>
<p>Prince Hans — along with the rest of the dignitaries from France, Germany, and Spain — are to stay in Arendelle for a number of weeks with an expected obligation to discuss and negotiate the newly updated terms of their kingdoms.</p>
<p>Paperwork has never been an issue to Elsa, with her hobby of writing letters, Elsa likes to believe that her penmanship, her durability and her habit of staying indoors helps her endure such long hours. It only becomes an issue when she’s not attending to her guests.</p>
<p>With that role in mind, Anna is assigned to entertain their allies while Elsa is busy. That being said:</p>
<p>“Elsa —! I mean, Your Majesty!” Anna fumbles then curtsied after bursting into the tearoom. Anna tugs Hans along, her dainty freckled hands around his arm. “Where have you been hiding Prince Hans? He tells me you’ve known each other for years! He’s so much fun!”</p>
<p>Hans smiles and vouches for the princess. “Princess Anna has shown me around the castle — she tells me how she’s close friends with the staff. I’ve visited the stables and the kitchens, the towers and the fjord.”</p>
<p>Elsa stares at the two, detaching her lips from her teacup, she doesn’t know how to reply.</p>
<p>But maybe there’s no need for words? Not when Elsa notes how Hans is smiling down at Anna and how her baby sister is looking most adoringly at the thirteenth prince.</p>
<p>Elsa feels her stomach drop, the warmth of the tea does little to bring strength to Elsa’s mute state.</p>
<hr/>
<p>Though she knows there is only a number of weeks she can spend with him, Elsa refrains herself from seeing Hans outside the meeting room. She chooses to dine in her study and barely leaves her lodgings.</p>
<p>But when she does leave her office after attending to mountains of paperwork, she makes sure it is late and dark outside.</p>
<p>This method works for a fortnight before she conveniently bumps into His Royal Highness despite the late hour, then she is forced to be hostile and shows that she wants little to no interactions with him.</p>
<p>And it’s not that he doesn’t try speaking to her, he does in the most proficient way by keeping a distance between them and bowing deeply to show his respect; however, she chooses to only curtsy before making her way past him.</p>
<p>“Your Majesty, if I may  —”</p>
<p>She holds up her hand, telling him, <em>No, you may not.</em></p>
<p>“Please, I’m tired. If there is something you wish to discuss, it will be at tomorrow’s meeting.” She says without facing him.</p>
<p>He makes no move to reply.</p>
<p>Guilt eats at her, and she excuses herself before crossing her arms over her chest and keeping her head down.</p>
<hr/>
<p>She sits against her bedroom door just as she had when Anna was behind it years ago; knocking on the painted wood until the raps etched itself into her brain and became a permanent melody. She <em>can’t </em>let him in. She <strong>refuses </strong>to let him in. She will reject this fairy tale, this possible happy ending. She will shut him out; push him away no matter how long he waits and wants and begs to be near her; wanting him to leave <em>leave </em><strong>leave</strong> just as her parents had.</p>
<p>.</p>
<p>.</p>
<p>.</p>
<p>“Your Majesty, I sincerely apologise. I can’t help but notice that you are on guard around me. Aside from talks of business and meetings, we have only exchanged formal greetings; I haven't seen you smile since the night of the party, I'm worried. I feel at fault, I must have done a great injustice to deserve this treatment. I may have come off too strongly and overstepped my boundaries or perhaps suggested something unfavourable.” Hans rambles much like his letter.</p>
<p>He goes on and on, knocking on Elsa's door and listing what he thinks is his misconduct despite not getting a reply from her.</p>
<p>All the other dignitaries and nobles have left Arendelle, everything revolving around their alliances and agreements is settled, and yet Hans is still here.</p>
<p>It’s been two days, and Hans refuses to leave her door; he doesn't eat nor sleep. Sometimes he doesn't even talk to her, he just sits there like how Anna used to. Elsa thinks he's being much too stubborn, like a baby, Lars must have pampered him too much.</p>
<p>“Now that I’m reflecting on my past actions, it’s come to mind that the princess and I interrupted you during tea, that was rude of me. I apologise for that too." Hans continues.</p>
<p>Elsa doesn’t reply.</p>
<p>“Please," He tries again. "I wish to speak to you and I do not think this conversation should be spoken publicly. It’s regarding your sister and I. We would like your … blessing.”</p>
<p><em>Blessing? </em>The single word attacks Elsa.</p>
<p>“It’s regarding a rather sensitive issue and I —”</p>
<p>The door flies open.</p>
<p>“Your blessing regarding <em>what</em>?” She asks, standing by her door frame. Her knuckles must be white from the death-grip she has around the handle.</p>
<p>Hans stares at her in awe but then composes himself and gets up from his sitting position on the floor. "Our marriage," He answers hurriedly.</p>
<p>"Our?" She echoes, trying to piece his logic together.</p>
<p>"The princess and I have come to an agreement. I proposed to her just this week and she said 'yes'," He explains.</p>
<p>"You —" She chokes, her mouth drops open but no words come out. Her gloved hands ball into fists.</p>
<p>A part of her would like to believe that he's evil — evil for talking to her baby sister so openly, evil for making Anna laugh in the same way he has with Elsa, and evil for pursuing another in front of her eyes and her supposed frozen heart.</p>
<p>(But maybe she's evil too; evil for ignoring him?)</p>
<p>"You're unbelievable!"</p>
<p>"Your Majesty, I —"</p>
<p>She brushes past him, she needs to get out of here, if she stays then he'll continue knocking on her door and saying outrageous things.</p>
<p>The long hallway is conveniently empty; Elsa repeats her mantra under her breath to not lose control over this sudden news.</p>
<p>She's ten steps away from him when Hans rushes towards her and grabs the inside of her wrist. She yanks her arm away and her glove slips off, exposing pale skin.</p>
<p>She gasps, quickly clasps her hands together; one good at making, and maybe the other good at hurting.</p>
<p>"Give me back my glove!" Elsa yells.</p>
<p>"No!" He exclaims, holding back his anger. "Talk to me, you've always been an open book when you respond to me in your letters! Why are you —? Why are you so defensive now? It's like you're hiding something from me, you're not telling me the whole truth, and — Friends don't keep secrets from one another."</p>
<p>Her exposed hand trembles, she can feel the temperature dropping. <em>Secrets, friends</em>; these two words strike her. She can't bear it any longer.</p>
<p>"Is that all I am to you? Just a friend?" She asks rather bravely.</p>
<p>Hans stares at her, taken aback. "A <em>dear</em> friend then —"</p>
<p>"No.<em> No, </em>that's not what I mean." She says, adding weight on her words.</p>
<p>There’s a moment of silence. But not a moment more.</p>
<p>“I do not understand what you expect of me.” Hans says, showing her his thinning patience and confusion. “During the coronation I tried to be as agreeable as possible despite my nervousness; but there lacked contribution on your behalf during our conversations, and I found you hesitant and distant. When I had asked you for your thoughts, my brother was on your mind. Was I wrong to believe I had made a fool of myself and came second to your priorities? Was I wrong to believe that you were disappointed by meeting me in person and choose to sever our friendship because of such negative feelings?”</p>
<p>“I — No. No, you weren’t wrong to believe these thoughts.” Elsa answers. “But what I’ve shown you is not how I really feel.”</p>
<p>“And what do you feel? What are you trying to tell me?”</p>
<p>Elsa breathes in deeply, knowing hesitation will only make things worse. “That I am fond of you.” She says, her words now out in the open. She looks away, gnawing on her lower lip.</p>
<p>He stares at her, soaking in her words. “In what way?”</p>
<p>Finally, she lifts his gaze and the gears turning in Hans' head clicked.</p>
<p>"Are you telling me that you …" His thoughts paused, he did not want to put words into her mouth.</p>
<p>"I love you," Elsa admits shamelessly.</p>
<p>And as soon as she reveals this, Elsa takes a step forward, eager to hear his response.</p>
<p>Between Elsa's silence and the wait, Hans suddenly glances away, showing that he understands and did not know what to say such a declaration.</p>
<p>He breathes in deeply, there didn't seem to be enough air in the hall to fill his lungs. Hans is slow to reply, halted from his words; unlike his usual story teller-rambler self. He’s struggling to compose himself and will not say anything in return until he believes he’s gathered the right response.</p>
<p>“My brother is very fond of you," Is all Hans manages, as if warning Elsa that she's on thin ice, as if he knows what will become of this, but refuses to acknowledge it.</p>
<p>It comes to her like a slap to the face. "Y — Yes, I know. But —"</p>
<p>He shakes his head as if denying her feelings. “If you are aware of this then you should also know that I care for Lars’ affections. Lars isn't just my brother, he's my best friend, and —! This is a fragile situation, if I had known this from the beginning, I do not think I would have —!” He’s lost for words, not knowing how to continue. “What about Lars? Where does he fit in all this? What will you do with him now? Will you continue on with your engagement?”</p>
<p>"I don't — I don’t know if I can consider him in this ordeal." Elsa answers truthfully. She knows Lars is an important person to consider in this matter but she does not want to have a discussion about him, she’s desperate for Hans' response about her confession. “If you could just consider my feelings —”</p>
<p>“On what accounts?” He asks, cutting her off. "I beg you, do not do this, do not put me in such a position. I cannot betray Lars, I cannot in good conscience ever take the lady of a most beloved brother. Lars has spent years dreaming about his marriage to you. I do not want to be the devil that crushes his dreams, I refuse to be. I could never forgive myself if I ever did such a thing and stole you from him.” Hans looks furious for a moment and asks, “If you cannot stay true to your word for Lars’ sake, then can you go through with the marriage as it is your oath and duty?"</p>
<p>“My oath and duty to what?”</p>
<p>“To your people," Hans replies, another harsh blow. "and to the late King and Queen of Arendelle.”</p>
<p>Elsa wants to scoff at the mention of her late parents, but settles on glaring at Hans’ freckled face instead.</p>
<p>How dare he speak of her darkest insecurity so easily and act like it hasn't been a weight on her shoulders! Her parents kept her in a room, treated her like <em>a disease</em>. It is true that good memories still come flooding to her, she cannot ignore that part of her past. But the reality is, Elsa’s been thinking of rebelling against her late parents’ wishes since she realised there was little freedom to her existence.</p>
<p>Feeling her anger rising, Elsa begins questioning him instead. “You say you wish to marry Anna, but have you thought through it all yet? What are your plans? Are you willing to give up the navy, your dreams, your freedoms and adventures, just to be near her? Where will you stay?”</p>
<p>“I was thinking of living here,” Hans answers.</p>
<p>“Here? In Arendelle?” Elsa echoes in shock. “What about making a name for yourself? What about your ambitions and hopes as an admiral? You’re casting all this aside for my sister whom you’ve only known for no more than a few weeks?”</p>
<p>“I am your friend; through our correspondents and Lars’ suggestion, I had expected you to know my nature for spontaneity. I had <em>also</em> expected you to be more open about my relationship with your sister. The royal council and Lars have informed me that there are no suitable suitors for the princess, I thought you would be glad to see her happy with me,”</p>
<p>Elsa gapes at him, “Are you admitting that you built such relations with me to get in my good graces? Have you been planning on pursuing my sister all this time?”</p>
<p>Hans’ silence enrages her.</p>
<p>“You ask for my blessing and my answer is ‘no’. If you take my sister’s hand in marriage then I wish to never see you again. And as Queen of this realm, there are consequences for your actions against me. Surely, you won't forsake attending Lars’ wedding for such a hasty plan to betroth Anna, will you?” Elsa asks. Her voice sounds like ice and snow; just as sharp and just as clear and just as frosty.</p>
<p>Still, he does not answer.</p>
<p>“Do you even love her?”</p>
<p>Finally, he opens his mouth. “With all due respect, Your Majesty, what do you know about love? You’ve long promised to marry a man whom you do not have feelings for. Why should that change anything here?”</p>
<p>This time, she cannot answer him.</p>
<p>“Don’t you see?" He says, taking a step forward. He takes her wrist without flinching, tugging on her blue-green glove and covering her pale hand as if it’s a shameful secret. He did it with such an easy gesture, such a quick motion, that she almost believes he’s used to hiding his own monsters. "You and I; we’re in the same boat.”</p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <strong>vi</strong>
</p>
<hr/>
<p>She almost slams into her sister on her way out of her bedroom.</p>
<p>“Oh, I’m so — I’m so sorry, Elsa, I didn’t see you!” Anna says in one breath, looking frantic and excited to process her thoughts into words.</p>
<p>“What’s the hurry?” Elsa asks, staring at Anna’s restlessness.</p>
<p>The strawberry blonde jumps from one foot to another then exclaims, “Prince Hans is here!”</p>
<p>Shock etches itself on Elsa’s lovely face. “Why?” The taste of bitterness rolls on her tongue as she asks this.</p>
<p>“He’s here to see me! I am his fiancée after all, it’s only polite for him to do so — Wait, didn’t he tell you? Did he have to write a formal letter or something? Please don’t banish him, I told him he could stay until September, it’s been <em>so long </em>since we caught up! I mean, it’s barely been a month, but — Please, Elsa, he’s going to be staying in Arendelle for a bit anyway, especially when your wedding nears in Spring. He’s likely going to be Prince Lars’ best man, and he's basically already family! There's no harm in letting him stay here, right? <em>Right?</em>  C'mon, Elsa!"</p>
<p>“I …” Elsa bites her lower lip and the ground around her feet is covered in frost. Elsa backs away into her room, the door swinging closed. “I will allow it.”</p>
<hr/>
<p>She moves to sit in the study room where the window faces the docks.</p>
<p>It’s a nice change in scenery. With the view of her people and her late father’s portrait beaming down at her as she attends to paperwork and her royal duties.</p>
<p>And sometimes if she’s lucky, she catches the sight of a man with flaming red hair and Anna’s smile as her sister runs into the arms of her lover.</p>
<hr/>
<p>In October, Anna shares all the exciting news to Elsa during meals. Anna relays Hans' latest voyages; telling tales of foreign lands and re-telling the story of Hans seeing a mermaid when he was nineteen; dropping familiar names and recountings that brings Elsa both nostalgic and heart-ache.</p>
<p>In late November, Anna fiddles with the idea of joining Hans on one of his adventures. Then in early December, Anna cries with excitement, waving her latest letter at Elsa; Anna tells Elsa how Hans wouldn't mind letting her sail with him if the Queen allows it.</p>
<p>"Do you think I should go? Can I go, Elsa? Oh, please say 'yes'! It's only a visit to the neighbouring kingdom! This could be so much fun with sightseeing and new food and new friends!"</p>
<p>"I think you should think this through," Came Elsa's reply.</p>
<p>Elsa has half the mind to remind Anna of their Mama and Papa, and how late parents had perished at sea. Elsa wants to ask, 'What will happen if you pass away too?' or 'I don't know what I will do if I lose you'. But she knows Anna is not the type to forget such a horrific incident.</p>
<p>Also, the last thing Elsa wants is to make them both upset, Anna is now the closest person Elsa has. If Elsa brings it up, an argument will come from it. Their discussion may escalate and Elsa could slip up; start pointing fingers and accusing Hans of potentially murdering her sister.</p>
<p>So Elsa just says, "You've barely explored past the city square, how will you know if you can live a life in the open sea?" And Anna considers this.</p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <strong>vii</strong>
</p>
<hr/>
<p>“He’s not staying!” Is the first thing Anna says when she barges into Elsa’s bedroom without her usual knock.</p>
<p>Elsa jumps; her book falling off her lap and the hem of her white nightgown fluttering. She sucks in a deep breath to not lose control of her powers before she composes herself and asks, “Who’s not staying?”</p>
<p>“Prince Hans.”</p>
<p>Elsa blinks, slowly registering the news. “... What?”</p>
<p>“It’s so strange, Hans said something about a voice — the sea? — calling out to him? He said he had to go; something about an adventure. I don’t understand it, I tried to ask him a million questions and practically begged him to stop and consider not going because tomorrow’s the big day but he refused to! It's so obvious that he's lying about the adventure thing! Just to be clear, nothing happened between him and Lars. When I broke the news to him, I thought the fact that Hans is — was? — Lars' best man would keep him in Arendelle but — Gosh, Elsa! I think I've made a mess of things? It's my fault, I shouldn't have said anything to him so suddenly but I didn't want to keep it to myself anymore,"</p>
<p>"How did this happen?"</p>
<p>"Remember how you said I should get experience in exploring the great outdoors before making big decisions to join Hans at sea?" Anna asks. "Well, I decided to go hiking up to the mountains and I met this mountain man who I thought went by the name of 'Christopher' but his name is actually 'Kristoff',"</p>
<p>"Okay?"</p>
<p>"Well, I befriended him and — This was last Winter, by the way. I befriended him, and it was nothing at first because all he did was talk about snow, which I don't have much knowledge on, and claims to be an expert on ice, which is … no comment to me? But later — Oh! Also, he's very cynical, so that's something! But later, being with Kristoff made me realise a few things about myself, which is crazy because he talks <em>for his reindeer</em> so anyone would think he's a little nuts —"</p>
<p>"How does this relate to Prince Hans?"</p>
<p>"Well, mostly because I realise how different it is between me and Hans, and me with Kristoff. I mean, <em>no duh.</em> You and me; we have a different dynamic too. But, I mean — Kristoff's <em>here</em> for me and Hans isn't. I mean, of course I barely see Hans; he's, you know, sailing. But I don't mean <em>physically </em>here because I don't see Kristoff every day either. I see Kristoff like every other day when he isn't harvesting ice; and yet my conversations with him flows so easily! Like you can't imagine, Elsa! We have so much fun together, while my connection with Hans is like … okay, I guess? Whenever I write to Hans I forget what I even told him because whatever I wrote isn't all that memorable to me, and I can't help but feel that whatever I have isn't quite it."</p>
<p>“What do you —”</p>
<p>“Not to say that I'm boring or that Hans is boring. I'm also not saying this is entirely about Kristoff, okay? I promise you that, I’ve only known Kristoff for a few months, I’m not crazy! I'm just trying to tell you that my adventures with Kristoff made me realise I don't have to go someplace far and exciting to feel the way I do." Anna continues. "I think I’ve learned a lesson from 'being' with Hans. I’ve known Hans since your coronations so … nine months. <em>Nine months! </em>I’ve known my fiancé for nine months — well, ex-fiancé — and I barely connect with him!”</p>
<p>“Ex-fiancé?” Elsa repeats. “Wait, wait, wait, what are you trying to tell me?”</p>
<p>“Are you following, is this too much? Am I over-explaining this?”</p>
<p>“I’m … I’m a little confused.” Elsa admits.</p>
<p>“I’m sorry, I just — There’s a lot to say. But what I’m trying to say is: I feel like maybe I rushed into things with Hans? It’s been on my mind for a while, but I will admit I’m guilty of sitting on my hands. I haven’t felt right about Hans for some time now and to be in-between with my feelings makes me feel … uncomfortable. I felt like I was pulling Hans along for whatever wild ride I thought seemed fit, and that wasn’t right, so I …” Anna pauses from her rambles. “I broke off my engagement with Hans and now I think he's running away because he can't stand to look at me?"</p>
<p>"Wait, what?"</p>
<p>"I know, there's a lot to digest." Anna says but then waves off the air of confusion with a gesture that said, 'Okay, let's get back on track'. "But I'm still friends with Prince Hans, I swear it, and I want him to not miss the wedding. Oh, Elsa, can you do something? He won’t listen to me, I can’t talk any sense into him! I don't know when he'll be back, it could be weeks if not months, I can’t imagine —!”</p>
<p>“Where is he?” Elsa stands, not even waiting for Anna to finish her sentence.</p>
<p>“Probably at the docks, he was leaving the guest room when I was trying to persuade him not to go.”</p>
<p>Elsa's eyes flit away. It takes a look, <em>one look</em>, into the reflection of the hand-mirror against her dresser to make Elsa realise she cannot live this lie, <em>this life</em>, anymore.</p>
<p>"I'll try my best." Elsa declares then gives her sister one small nod before picking up her skirts and dashing out of the room.</p>
<p>“Wait, I meant issuing the guards to stop Prince Hans’ ship from leaving the fjord, not chasing him down yourself! Elsa!” Anna yells as but her cries fall deaf to Elsa’s ears.</p>
<p>The Queen passes hallways and takes two steps at a time down the stairs. She may have even left a flurry in her wake but all those anxieties of revealing her magic do not hold a candle to her fear of Hans disappearing into the night.</p>
<p>Soon she is by the sea, hearing the crash of waves and sailors shouting in Danish. She does not care if she looks like a madwoman, she <em>will</em> confront him before he leaves — even if it is the night before her wedding.</p>
<p>“Hans!”</p>
<p>The men transporting suits and trunks aboard the royal ship stops working. Hans turns, equally as shocked, his emerald eyes stay fixed on her and her alone.</p>
<p>“Your Majesty?”</p>
<p>She reaches for him, her hands shameless, bare and pale — without gloves. His stunned state puts him on autopilot, he mirrors her action and takes her stretched hand. The cold doesn't seem to bother him.</p>
<p>“What are you doing at the fjord?” She asks, squeezing his palm.</p>
<p>He blinks at her, still confused. “I could ask you the same thing.”</p>
<p>She gaps at him. By coming all this way, she’s showing him one of her fatal flaws, her true intention. Is he still determined to not acknowledge her heart?</p>
<p>She ran all the way here to stop him, but now that she's here, she doesn’t know how to. So she fumbles and makes up the first thing that comes to her mind; an excuse to make sure Hans doesn’t leave.</p>
<p>“Don't go. What about Lars?” Elsa pleads.</p>
<p>Hans looks stiff for a moment, like he had already been questioned about this, before he guides her away from the boat, their hands still intertwined.</p>
<p>He speaks in a low, hushed voice. “I’ve already told Lars about my decision. He thinks it is selfish and there is tension between us, but I have my reasons. You know I do. You know them.”</p>
<p>She pulls him to a stop. She can’t even look him in the eyes but speaks, “L — Look, I apologise for what I said many months ago. I realise my feelings for you have put you in a tight spot but I feel horrible for what I said. I shouldn’t have made you choose between Anna and I. You visit my sister so often, I know you truly care for her. I'm sorry about what happened between the two of you, but I think you should attend the wedding,”</p>
<p>“It’s not on the matter of what you said months ago or the princess denouncing our engagement, I'm not one to let these things stop me from making my own decisions.”</p>
<p>She raises her head, confused. “Then what’s the matter?” She asks. “Why are you still leaving? I don’t want you missing such a special occasion, Lars will be so hurt.”</p>
<p>“I'm leaving because I want to.” He says, shocking her. “I want to miss it, I can’t stay.”</p>
<p>“Why? What reasons do you have to not attend? Are you really that angry with me? Please answer me, I’ve regretted everything since the day I said those hurtful things to you. I apologise, I don’t know any other way to convince you to not go.”</p>
<p>She tries meeting his gaze but this time he is the one avoiding her.</p>
<p>He dodges the truth until she takes his face into her free hand and says, "Please, tell me what's on your mind, I can't bear the silence, you're breaking my heart by keeping your thoughts away from me."</p>
<p>Her thumb stroking his cheek undoes him. He tells her: "I shouldn't have sent you those letters,"</p>
<p>Her heart drops. "Was I that much of a burden to you?"</p>
<p>"No. No, of course not. But, I can't help but feel responsible, our correspondence not only subconsciously made you grow feelings for me, but it also made me fall for you,"</p>
<p>Elsa stands there, speechless.</p>
<p>"The more I talked to you, the more I wanted to learn about you. I felt a connection to you like no other." He can no longer tell her lies. "I care for you. I —"</p>
<p>The warmth in his hand brings some life to her frozen astonishment.</p>
<p>“I love you,” He finally says.</p>
<p>She stands there mutely. The words slowly trickle before the weight of reality slams into her system. Wave after wave of emotion hits her — shock, confusion, joy.</p>
<p>“You …” She stutters.</p>
<p>“Most ardently, I love you,”</p>
<p>And though Elsa wanted to tell him how she feels the same, the only words that escapes her mouth is: “I don’t understand.”</p>
<p>Guilt grips her.</p>
<p>And maybe it grips him too. He must realise how much he's hurting her by not telling her the whole truth, so he says:</p>
<p>“At first, I tried to lie to myself. I deflected the issue and covered it up with matters of politics. But who am I kidding? I never cared for politics, I've lived quite a lawless life at sea. I knew that I could never do anything to hurt my brother’s happiness — he has known you longer than I and has loved you longer than I — but I also knew that I did not want to part with you.”</p>
<p>His words consumed her.</p>
<p>“Before you had confessed to me, I told myself that I would be able to stay strong, that I would be fine being your brother-in-law. I figured with our severed friendship, the only way I could be near you was to have an identity that could not be ignored by the royal Arendelle family. Even if you had thought ill of me, I knew your love for your sister and your want to see her happy would grant me some leeway in association with the kingdom. With my engagement to your sister, I was allowed to stay at the castle, and despite your declaration of never wanting to see me again, I had to come, even if I had no rhyme or reason to be in your presence,” Hans explains. The cool touch of her palm still on his cheek encouraged him to continue. “But then months passed, and the agony of not being with you never left me. I came to Arendelle with the intention of seeing you one last time.” He then adds, with his voice insecure and quiet. “I understand that this conduct deceived you and your sister greatly, and I apologise for it, but I could not think of any other way to express myself."</p>
<p>She sees his logic. She knows he’s willing to sacrifice so much. And she knows more than anything, Hans cares for his brother. But Elsa wants to be selfish.</p>
<p>It's so tempting for her to drop everything; to get on that ship with him, to abdicate her role as queen to Anna, and leave the settlement of discussions between Arendelle and the Southern Isles to the two kingdom's councils.</p>
<p>Elsa almost proposed such an idea until he speaks:</p>
<p>“I must leave tonight — <em>alone</em> — you must not oppose to this. I will not be persuaded to attend the wedding. I am not as strong as I think I am, if I stay then I know I will do something foolish. I might stop the wedding and ruin my brother’s happiness.”</p>
<p>“Hans —”</p>
<p>"You understand, don't you? You understand how strongly I feel for you, you understand the reason I can't stay," A pause. “Don’t you?”</p>
<p>She doesn’t give him a reply despite the flood of words mounting on the tip of her tongue.</p>
<p>“If you mean what you said: that you love me,” Hans says slowly, “then you will let me go, and please, I beg you, please say you’ll honour my brother’s feelings,”</p>
<p>Elsa feels the need to pull her hands away from him. To scream and cry. To argue that he is being unfair and cruel to her heart.</p>
<p>But what good will that do? Hans has made it clear for months that he is set on his decision. No matter what happens, he will not back down. If she disagrees then it will only ruin their tearful good-bye.</p>
<p>And she does not want that regret.</p>
<p>“I will honour your brother's feelings if you do me a favour and honour mine,” She tells him.</p>
<p>His expression is unreadable to her but he nods, “I will.”</p>
<p>She bites her lip, trying to cherish the little time they have together, before saying, “Then leave,”</p>
<p>.</p>
<p>.</p>
<p>.</p>
<p>And he does.</p>
<hr/>
<p>He leaves, but shadows of him lingers in her mind, a passive reminder of his presence that was once in her palace; under her door, in the gardens where the moonbeams lay, down the halls where Anna passes; hidden from sight, a secret only privy to her, haunting her in her moments of solitude.</p>
<p>He leaves her with a soft kiss on the lips, with a cold hand hovering over his beating chest and the other hand grasping his warm palm; his fine glove slips off his fingers from her unwillingness to let go of his hand, she can keep it — along with his heart.</p>
<p>“I bid you farewell, Elsa, good-bye.”</p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <strong>viii</strong>
</p>
<hr/>
<p>Hans is right, Lars is very fond of her; she can see it in the way he looks at her with adoring blue-grey eyes.</p>
<p>It is her wedding day. The attention on her is nothing compared to her coronation day; it is more nerve-wracking, more intense, more exposed, scrutinizing her every action.</p>
<p>Frozen smiles, anticipation and classical music falls deaf to her as she stares at Lars who waits for her at the altar. Her hands are shaking and her mind races, wondering if she can do it; if she could abandon the man she loves for the sake of a political alliance.</p>
<p>Is this their fate? To never be together no matter how much they love each other? To be cursed? To forever yearn for something they can never have?</p>
<p>In her head, Hans returns to stop the wedding; calling for her to go with him, to abandon all sensibilities, to be free and together at sea. She would toss her now frosted bouquet to the ground and watch it shatter like the hand-mirror Hans gave her.</p>
<p>In her head, she picks up the skirts of her wedding gown and races out of a church, running into his arms, into a new adventure; to places Hans had talked about; an Enchanted Forest up grassy hills, surrounded by mist and glowing crystals and flowers.</p>
<p>She's in white, lose hair tumbling down her bare shoulders and her thin veil flowing behind her. He will be there — dressed in his admiral uniform, smiling, ready to take her hand and her heart and her magic.</p>
<p>In her head, she does everything right.</p>
<p>In reality, Hans had refused to listen to her requests of freedom and keeps her trapped here just as her late Mama and Papa did. In reality, she could not tell him about her magic. In reality, she thinks of her kingdom and her people and her responsibilities; she says ‘I do’.</p>
<hr/>
<p>
  <strong>end</strong>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Notes 3: </p>
<p>Me: Hans' gifts to Lars are either 'Look at this beautiful craftsmanship of art from this land!' or 'Oh my God, I saw this thing and it's so ugly that it reminded me of you, I knew I had to buy it!' and there is no in-between. I need more sibling-ship between these two.</p>
<p>Also me:</p>
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<p>Notes 4: If I’m gonna follow historical accurate facts, Elsa should have been made Queen of Arendelle the moment her parents died. No three year wait. I’m referencing Queen Elizabeth and the moment she got off the plane. Queen Elizabeth's mother curtsied at her; no words of ‘Your Father has passed’, just a curtsy. There are royal cues and I’m gonna follow it, damn it!</p>
<p>Speaking of other historical things, I read 'Pride and Prejudice' before writing this to get the ye old feel so if the wording is strange, that’s why. In Dutch ‘farewell’ is ‘vaarwel’. ‘Vaar’ is from a noun that means ‘sail’, so ain’t that fitting for someone like Hans? Also, it’s something sailors’ wives say to their husband before going to sea.</p>
<p>This entire fic is longer than it's supposed to be, but in the end, it had to be.</p>
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<p>— 14 February 2020</p></blockquote></div></div>
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